4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
