Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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