my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is Oprah even human
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
