It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
