I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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