I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
