She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
