i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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