id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
