Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
