I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
