you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is glitter all over my balls
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