how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
