I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
