I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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