Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
