I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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