you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
