im holly from the hills drunk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
