We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
