so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
