I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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