I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
