Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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