apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
