She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
