I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So vagazzling was a success
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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