Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
