You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
