Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
