Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
