oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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