Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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