Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
