the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
