she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
