Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
