They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
