I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
