I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
