So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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