guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
