Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
