So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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