I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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