She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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