Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
