Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
