oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
