he told me I talked like a deaf person
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
