I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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