It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
