The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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