You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
