The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
